Wedding Sense - Show them the love!

Several years ago, shortly after beginning my career in this industry, I was working at a posh New York hotel with an "A-list" celebrity clientele. My client’s daughter was getting married. The whole family was in the music business. The bride’s grandfather had spent his career in a wedding band, and his own son and daughter-in-law had built a hugely successful business doing music for commercials. Not surprisingly, the band they had engaged for their daughter’s wedding was a very good one.

As was customary, we offered to feed the band (and other vendors) a simple meal at a fraction of the cost of the guests. The bride’s father then told me about his experience as a kid accompanying his own father to wedding gigs, and how it saddened him to see how shabbily the band was treated at these events. A simple “vendor meal” would not suffice.

I don’t recall what the wedding guests ate that evening (I’m sure it was outstanding), but I do recall the band’s dinner. In a separate room we set up a lavish buffet with shrimp, sushi, filet mignon, lobster thermador, miniature pastries and more. Suffice it to say that the band ROCKED!

There are two points to this story. The first one is just a detail – you don’t need to feed your vendors the same meal that your guests are eating, and you don’t need to spend as much money. You should ask your venue; some offer different meals, some will simply serve the same meal at a reduced price. And if your bill has food and bar components, you should not be paying for their bar.

The second point, and the one that matters most, is about how your treat your band and other vendors. Yes, I know. You hired them, you are paying them a lot of money, and they are there for you. And they are professionals, that’s what they do. And they will. However, by treating uncommonly well, something else happens. You are no longer just another wedding gig to them. You become special to them. It’s simply human nature. And your wedding too will ROCK!
There is another reason you want to extend yourself to all of your vendors. Things can go wrong. Perhaps your guests arrive late, and of course you want to extend the end time. Will the band (or the venue, or the photographer) change you for overtime? Will they even play beyond the original end time? It’s their choice.

Here are a couple items that will affect your relationship with your vendors: of course you want to negotiate a good price. But once you agree, don’t keep trying to renegotiate. Be timely with information; final guarantees might be due three days prior to the wedding, but if you find out that your wedding for 200 has grown to 300, let everyone know. There is a New York photographer that asks to be invited to rehearsal dinners. It’s not about a free meal. He feels that if he meets the wedding party the night before he will get to know them a bit, and his pictures will be more personal and intimate. The list goes on.

Last but not least, if all of this makes sense to you and you hire a wedding planner make sure that he or she behaves this way as well.