"You saved my wedding" - why reading between the lines is so important

Yesterday my dear friend Daphne said to me "Richard, you saved my wedding." What? I didn't do anything. And I certainly didn't plan your wedding."

Then she reminded me that several months ago she had asked me to look at her hotel contract. She had chosen a hotel in the Caribbean. It was part of a large chain of extremely luxurious hotels. After looking at the contract - a lengthy one that freely used industry jargon such as minimums and guarantees - I called the hotel for clarification on some of the terms. The staff was exceptionally courteous, efficient - and unbending. Would have been perfect for Polk, Bird, Wells and Sebring PC, but not for Daphne.

It helps to know Daphne a bit. She is what I call MBC - Manhattan Bohemian Chic. She's a savvy New Yorker with a spiritual "Zen style" quality. I told Daphne that the hotel would execute perfectly. But, as you probably know, perfect execution is not the source of warm and fuzzy. Here was a perfect hotel and a completely wrong fit. So Daphne tore up the contract and booked the Montpelier Inn. Not a perfect hotel (albeit a very very good one), but definitely a perfect fit. And the wedding was perfect, and now Daphne and her husband are beginning their perfect lives!

Read between the lines. Perfect is not the same as perfect fit. It needs to be right, and it needs to feel right. Let your heart have it's say before you sign on the bottom line.

Reasons to Hire a Wedding Planner - #1 and Intro

There are lots of reasons to hire a wedding planner (and sometimes reasons not to.) Rather than provide a list, I will, over the next couple months, pepper this blog with reasons. And here's the first one: as planners, we know more vendors than you do. After all, they seek us out. We receive letters, emails, samples, demo tapes and more every day. And our access to these resources increases the likelihood that you will hire just the right one for your wedding.

Jack Welch on hiring a wedding planner

Although Jack Welch consistently tops the lists of most admired business leaders. he hardly seems like the man to turn to for advice on planning your wedding. After all, he is on wife number three. Yet I was intrigued by a column he recently wrote for Business Week (ironically, co-authored by his current wife Suzy Welch, formerly the "other woman" when he was married to wife number two.)

The column was about bad hiring decisions and how important it is to act quickly when things go sour. It is the same with your vendors. Perhaps a friend told you how great this florist is, and you were dazzled by their work. You signed a contract. But now, you think you made a mistake. Understandably, you want to change, but if you do so you will lose your deposit.

Move on. It is just like the bad hire that you hope will turn around but never does. It sucks, but cut your losses. You will be so happy you did. And so very unhappy if you don't.

25 Year Rule

Should I or should I not invite them? Sometimes it's easy, especially with acquaintances. It tends to be distant relatives that you rarely if ever see that present the toughest challenge. Then I use the 25 year rule, which is this:

If you think that there is a chance that at some point during the next 25 years they might become important to you, you should invite them.

Why? Your lives are about to change dramatically, and so will your circle of friends, both family and non-family. These people that you are not inclined to invite could become very close. And if you plan to have children, your kids could become close to their kids. It would be a shame to always regret not having invited these people. And why 25 years? Well, if you do have children, 25 years will get them past college. And it's certain that by then you will have forgotten the cost of those extra meals.

A little negotiating trick

Chances are that the person who is selling you the catering, the photography, or anything else has a quota. And chances are that it's a monthy quota. In which case, you should love the end of the month. He or she has a number to make, and there you are offering $20,000 for the $25,000 package. But all he needs is $20,000 to make quota, and there you are!

Of course, it's not just weddings, it can be anything. And it's really a win-win scenario, you stay within budget and he or she makes quota. Don't be shy!

The hours we keep

You just got engaged, and you can't wait to find the perfect site for your wedding. Yes, Mr. Catering Manager can meet with you Saturday at 3:00pm. But don't be late, because he has a 2:30 and a 3:30. You arrive, and it's doesn't feel right. Mr. Catering Manager doesn't seem to be all that excited, and you are. Well, it's hard - you are the 8th appointment he has had that day, and last night's event did not end until today, 2am to be precise.

Don't visit venues on Saturdays. Take a weekday off. As a former hotelier, I love Tuesdays. I've recovered from the weekend's events, I'm fresh and I am thrilled to meet you, Ms. Newly Engaged. You're the only bride I will meet today, and if you arrive late, that's ok, and if you need more time, that's ok too. I am there to help you turn your wedding dreams into reality. Please, take the time off from work, your boss will understand and you will be so much happier.

Fragrance at your wedding - and great news about Vow 2006

Please forgive us if we gloat - we will get over it quickly. But we are thrilled,

Vow 2006 (www.vowfragrance.com) - which we launched at the beginning of the year - was named by Brides Magazine to its “Best of 2006” list, a list of 100 most notable ideas and innovators within the wedding industry. Brides, a CondeNast publication, is as all you savvy brides know one of the country’s leading bridal magazines.

So I will mention something about your fragrance at your wedding. We want you to buy Vow (2006 if your wedding is this year, 2007 comes out in January), but even if you don’t, give some thought to your fragrance. Fragrance has the ability to bring back memories, in particular highly emotional memories, and that is very special and very powerful quality. This is not just marketing, it’s supported by vast scientific research, if you want to know more check out www.monell.org and www.senseofsmell.org.

Perhaps you will wear a new fragrance that you love, perhaps it will be the same fragrance you wore on your first date with Mr. Special, or perhaps it’s the one perfume you have always worn on special occasions. But please, think about your dress, your shoes and your fragrance.

Zagat Rated?!

No, this isn't about getting your wedding rated on Zagat. Even though you know that it would get top scores. It's about party favors. Party favors are great, but only when they say something about you. Not long ago I had a client, the bride was moving to France immediately after her wedding. Her husband-to-be was French, and Paris would be her new home. So all the guests received Paris Zagats with a custom cover (their names and the wedding date) and a message that read "Can't wait to see you in Paris." Hopefully by now their guests have used the guide to take the newly marrieds to all the best restaurants in the City of Lights! Incidentally, custom Zagat guides are surprisingly affordable.
Visit them at www.zagat.com or www.zagat.com/corporate.

Wedding Sense - Show them the love!

Several years ago, shortly after beginning my career in this industry, I was working at a posh New York hotel with an "A-list" celebrity clientele. My client’s daughter was getting married. The whole family was in the music business. The bride’s grandfather had spent his career in a wedding band, and his own son and daughter-in-law had built a hugely successful business doing music for commercials. Not surprisingly, the band they had engaged for their daughter’s wedding was a very good one.

As was customary, we offered to feed the band (and other vendors) a simple meal at a fraction of the cost of the guests. The bride’s father then told me about his experience as a kid accompanying his own father to wedding gigs, and how it saddened him to see how shabbily the band was treated at these events. A simple “vendor meal” would not suffice.

I don’t recall what the wedding guests ate that evening (I’m sure it was outstanding), but I do recall the band’s dinner. In a separate room we set up a lavish buffet with shrimp, sushi, filet mignon, lobster thermador, miniature pastries and more. Suffice it to say that the band ROCKED!

There are two points to this story. The first one is just a detail – you don’t need to feed your vendors the same meal that your guests are eating, and you don’t need to spend as much money. You should ask your venue; some offer different meals, some will simply serve the same meal at a reduced price. And if your bill has food and bar components, you should not be paying for their bar.

The second point, and the one that matters most, is about how your treat your band and other vendors. Yes, I know. You hired them, you are paying them a lot of money, and they are there for you. And they are professionals, that’s what they do. And they will. However, by treating uncommonly well, something else happens. You are no longer just another wedding gig to them. You become special to them. It’s simply human nature. And your wedding too will ROCK!
There is another reason you want to extend yourself to all of your vendors. Things can go wrong. Perhaps your guests arrive late, and of course you want to extend the end time. Will the band (or the venue, or the photographer) change you for overtime? Will they even play beyond the original end time? It’s their choice.

Here are a couple items that will affect your relationship with your vendors: of course you want to negotiate a good price. But once you agree, don’t keep trying to renegotiate. Be timely with information; final guarantees might be due three days prior to the wedding, but if you find out that your wedding for 200 has grown to 300, let everyone know. There is a New York photographer that asks to be invited to rehearsal dinners. It’s not about a free meal. He feels that if he meets the wedding party the night before he will get to know them a bit, and his pictures will be more personal and intimate. The list goes on.

Last but not least, if all of this makes sense to you and you hire a wedding planner make sure that he or she behaves this way as well.